I put my hands up to my face,

So hard for me to just embrace the lens.

The moments gone and now I'm dry,

And how the camera can reply.

my future boyfriend must love photography & he must carry his camera around wherever he go (with me)

reason being, he will see what i see and i will too.

our love can only be seen through a lens and i think that is all i ask.

no wait...

dear adam young,

i'm wonderstruck, i love you.


it's like you yanked my thoughts out all on a keyboard and a screen.

Wide Awake

quote you :


"It is during such nights when sleep and I cannot bring ourselves to meet that I am most inspired to dream, discover, explore, create and imagine. So it isn’t all bad.


By the same idea, the alluring light at the end of the tunnel can often flicker and burst forth into a hideous freight train hurtling in my direction.



Some nights I close my eyes and drift off somewhere between dreams and reality — into subconscious territory where I’m not exactly wide awake, but I’m not sleeping like a rock either. It’s a middle ground, mid-doze, between consciousness and slumber, an abstract reverie where I can see, hear and feel everything around me but cannot control what happens. During THESE nights I must prepare for anything because there is no telling what can happen.

Sometimes I’m yanked back into reality by the most nightmarish threads of illusion, dreadful night terrors that leave me out of breath with a lead hammer pounding inside my chest. Sometimes I feel myself fighting out of fear, clawing my way through a veneer of restless sleep that covers me like a film, yet I cannot manage to slice my way through the thin layer of leathery nightmare. Sometimes I wake up missing an old girlfriend, gripped in a painful swirl of miserable heartache — as if old wounds were suddenly reopened and I’d been through the terrible break-up all over again.

Of course this is all very unpleasant information and is thus, a rather depressing note to end a blog entry on.

— and I love how dreams propel the mind of an artist into imagining what the world might be like if such dreams were in fact reality. It’s a compelling thought and it keeps me on my toes. I love that.

All this to say — when my heavy lids finally surrender to the weight of any given day’s worth of living, breathing, working, doing and being, I savor the moment with a vigorous (though slightly reticent) taste in my mouth because, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s truly no telling what might happen. You must be ready for anything.

Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn’t want to live there. "

sunken ships.

picture 1 : a very pretty fullmoon which i can never get my baby to focus on
picture 2 : (totally random picture of) effect after plaidings

i would've just tweet my way into this but i have a feeling it is too personal to be said.

see, i've been browsing through facebook and of course, there are many couples who have

been together for a very long period of time. and of course there are those who've only spent less than a year with each other.

i've watched or seen relationships grow much fonder day by day and i've seen relationships break 

apart every single day. one thing i don't understand is why when one breaks up they start hating each 

other? is this why you fell in love with your (almost) ((possibly)) other half?

it breaks my heart, it truly does when i see a relationship torn apart. especially after what they've gone through for possibly more than a thousand days together. (be it marriage or be in just a normal relationship)

now i know why i don't get into one. excluding the fact that i am very very bad at relationships

and handling them and excluding the fact that i haven't been in a relationship since possibly more than a thousand days ago. and excluding the very fact that my last one never did last more than a hundred days.

so let me stop using numbers metaphorically and skip to my point. it is (possibly) as easy as ABC to fall in love  but it is just as simple to make someone go OMG.

oh i should really stop with the alphabets as well. but really, i don't like it. it is so hard nowadays to find a relationship that will last, and even after marriage that a pair of lovebirds can grow old together.

the world needs back that miracle again or i will never believe in Love as long as i live...

but then again.. this is just the pessimistic side of me. me being optimistic about this gives out more cons than i give myself credit for.

love, may

p/s: sort of hopes nobody ever reads this as this is just a place to calm my senses down